July 1, 2007
-
Sad Sunday
My day in a nutshell:
- Wake up to find Sebastian pushing the snooze button on my alarm clock… unaware of how many times he’s done this, but certain by the light shining in the window that it is much later than I had intended to wake up.
- Sebastian says, “You don’t have to get up Mama!”
- With immediate concern, I jump out of bed and find my glasses, then follow my protesting child into the living room, where I find my chalk/whiteboard easel standing in the middle of the room… the whiteboard RED with marker (not the dry-erase kind!)
- There is PAINT literally poured out onto the (BEIGE!) carpet… the brand new pad of paint paper I purchased a few weeks ago is open and the facing page is BLACK with red, yellow, green, and blue paint.
- There is paint covering Sebastian’s pants and body… there are paint-covered brushes and sponges everywhere!
- As I head into Sebastian’s bathroom to put some of this mess into the sink, I nearly step on a plastic shoebox lying in front of the bathroom door… FULL OF URINE!
When I ask Sebastian why there is pee in the box, he hesitates before saying, “Xander did it!” A sure sign that HE did it, and not his brother… and with a little pressing, he comes clean with the truth. Why did he pee in the box?? “I didn’t make it to the potty in time.” The potty is 2 feet away!! 
So, this is what I’ve dealt with all day.
Disobedience. Dishonesty. Disrespect. Dishonor. Disgust.
Any advice on how to deal with this? I mean, I’ve dealt with the “discipline” but this is obviously a spirit/attitude/heart issue and I don’t know how to teach him to change that. How do I teach him to do “right” even when no one’s watching? How to I make him understand that when he is destructive, it hurts me and that hurting others is wrong? How do I teach him to obey without talking back or disrespecting me? How do I teach him that lying and manipulation are wrong? How do I teach him that doing something that is wrong is still wrong, even if he doesn’t get caught? How do I teach him to be sorry he disobeyed, lied, stole, destroyed property, etc.and not just sorry he got caught?
Is this behavior/attitude because Ben is gone? I don’t think so, since it’s been building up and escalating for over a year now. Though, it would be easier on ME if Ben were here, just because I would have some back-up. I feel so alone right now. I feel like I’m fighting a battle for my son’s soul and he’s not even SIX!
Please, tell me what to do… what to say… what to read… what to pray for… and if you feel led, please pray for me too!
From my home to yours,
Andrea
Comments (4)
Ohhh, my heart aches for you. I have no solid advice, because we’ve dealt with it too. My daughter (8) wrote w/marker on her walls and door just last year, at age 7, and was relatively unconcerned with the trouble/expense/etc it caused us. No lying, but all the other signs you talked about (disrespect, etc). We talked it out, and she received discipline…but she did a similiar thing not long after. UGH. Hasn’t done it in awhile now though. I should hope not, at 8 yrs old!!!! Anyway…you’re not alone in finding such messes and wondering how on earth to deal with them and how to handle the “heart” issues. It’s tough when you’re working with a child–they understand, but are not totally capable about “caring” and realizing the cost and trouble and disrespect involved. So many times I’ve overreacted, other times, I’ve done better–but it’s always a challenge and always hurts.
Hang in there; I hope things go better this week–so much harder to handle on your own. Prayers and hugs to you, Tea
I HAD TO CHUCKLE WHEN I READ YOUR POST BECAUSE I GO THROUGH THESE THINGS WITH MY BROOD OFTEN. JUST REMEMBER THEY ARE PROBABLY TESTING YOU AND TO NOT LET THEM GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING…..AT ALL….IT’S TEMPTING WHEN YOU ARE TIRED (AND I’M GUILTY OF THIS) TO LET THINGS SLIDE HERE AND THERE PROMISING TO GET THEM NEXT TIME…BUT DON’T DO THAT DEAL WITH EVERY SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. ANOTHER THING THAT HELPS ME WITH MY LITTLE ONES (3 AND 2) IS I KEEP THEM WITH ME AT ALL TIMES. IT CAN GET TIRING BUT IT WORKS….IF I’M CLEAN, THEY CLEAN, IF I’M READING THEY COLOR, IF I’M DOING LAUNDRY, THEY ARE FOLDING IT, IF I NEED TO RELAX THEY ARE TO PLAY WITH THEIR TOYS BESIDE ME. IT’S AMAZING HOW MUCH EASIER THAT MAKES THINGS! I DO LOVE THE PART OF YOUR SON HITTING THE SNOOZE BUTTON FOR YOU…THAT’S REALLY FUNNY..LOL…
Andrea, if you can read this….I can’t read the blue writing with the cool fireworks background….anyways, I am so sorry that you had to deal with all of this alone…that sucks! If you need to borrow my carpet cleaner you can! Anyways, I would so like to talk to you about all of this when you come over tomorrow if that is ok? Until then keep you chin up…we all go through junk with our kids. That is not to deminish what you are going through with Sebastian…just to let you know that you are not alone in this world even if you do feel like it sometimes. Love ya and praying for you. See ya tomorrow. – Anne
Well….. The only thing that comes to my mind besides prayer is this : A book called, To Train Up a Child by Mike and Debi Pearl at http://www.nogreaterjoy.org and Some sermons a man has preached on children that are pretty sound to be sure at http://www.biblepreaching.com by S.M. Davis. You just have to scoll down till you see his name and list of messages and you can click to listen to them for free if you have time. I hope things look up for ya. God can help you.