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I think the medicine the doctor gave me for my anxiety is starting to work.  I was able to call several martial arts academies here in town and ask questions without anxiety today.  And when one of the instructors invited us to visit this evening I wasn’t afraid to go and take Sebastian to watch a class.

It was very interesting to watch and Sebastian decided that he really did want to sign up for classes, so he’s going to be taking Karate 2 nights a week from 5:30pm to 7:00pm.  Thankfully, the academy is not far from our home.  He starts tomorrow!

Just a little brag… I’m a mommy, bear with me!

Last night, after we finished dinner at the restaurant, my mom took the boys to the bathroom while I settled the bill.  The waitress came over and pointed to where Sebastian had been sitting and said, “That little boy that was sitting right there… he’s the politest little boy I’ve ever met!”  I grinned, thanked her, and told her I’d be sure to let him know… and of course I did!  As I told my mom about it, I said that I should have told the waitress, “Thank you so much!  We homeschool.” 

I tried to think of what he did that was so polite.  He said “please” and “thank you.”  He looked at the waitress when speaking to her and ordered for himself.  When she asked him if fries would be okay, he asked her if she had salad.  Other than talking like a baby a couple of times (something we’re working on), he behaved like a little boy should in a public place.  Had the waitress not commented on it as if it were unique and unexpected, I wouldn’t have seen anything to brag about.  I’m glad that she took the time to point it out to me.

This is the same son who would rather watch the Travel Channel than cartoons.  He loves learning about the food and cultures of the world.  He is equally fascinated by “Living with the Kombai” as he is with “Cyberchase” or “Curious George.”  His favorite tv personality is Andrew Zimmer from “Bizarre Foods.”  He also likes Anthony Bourdain, but thinks ”he shouldn’t smoke cigarettes because it’s bad for you.”

Kindergarten.  At home.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Yesterday, the boys’ new booster seats arrived.  I put them together, then installed them in the car.  Now I have their old car seats sitting on my porch, wondering what to do with them.

I finally got around to joining Netflix over the weekend.  I don’t know what I was waiting for!  I’ve watched so many movies online since joining (at least 8), and it’s so cool to go to the mailbox and have a movie waiting for me.  Oh yeah, and the kids like it too.

I signed up for Freecycle again.  I’m going to try and get rid of some of my books (*gasp!*).  I have too many and I hate the thought of throwing them away.  What I can’t freecycle away I’ll donate to Goodwill.

Took mom out for seafood tonight.  It was a belated Mother’s Day dinner.  The crab legs were wonderful!  Then, we came back to my place, where I had sliced strawberries, vanilla ice cream, angel food cake, and whipped cream waiting.  YUM!

I’m reading The Wonderful Wizard of Oz to Sebastian at bedtime.  We’re a little over half-way through it.  We’ve just arrived in the Emerald City and had our meetings with the Great and Terrible Oz where we learned that we must travel to the land of the Winkies and destory the Wicked Witch of the West.  How this story doesn’t give him nightmares, I’ll never know!  He seems to really enjoy it though.  We’re reading the original unabridged version.  I’m thinking any version I read as a child must have been sanitized, as I don’t remember some of the more gruesome aspects (the Tin Woodman severing the head of the Wildcat who was chasing the Queen of the Mice for instance).  Still, it’s very exciting and very entertaining to a six year old boy.

I don’t have much left to say.  I’ll be logging off of here to begin sorting through my books and deciding which to give away and which to keep.  Hoping to post something more interesting soon.

From my home to yours,

Andrea

Day 3:
I was so physically exhausted and in pain that I chose to rest and recuperate rather than continue on full force.  I was able to maintain my new standards:  clear countertops, washed dishes, trash to the dumpster, clear kitchen floor, wiped down dining table, and clear play table.  So, I think it was a good day.

Day 4:
Still aching, but in a lot less pain, I decided to focus on how I’m going to finish this project by myself.  I decided that rather than pushing myself as hard as the pro was pushing I need to slow down and take it a step at a time.  My body is just not prepared to do 8 hours of manual labor every day.

My goals are as follows:

1. Fill one lawn & leaf bag each day with clutter and take it to the dumpster along with the daily household trash.
2. Work in one small area at a time until it is finished before moving on to the next area.
3. Maintain my new standards for the areas that are already decluttered and clean.
4. Create new standards for the areas that I’m clearing as they emerge.
5. Make sure each and every item has a permanent home of its own that is convenient to its use.

I’m sure that the pro would like me to get it done faster/sooner than one bag a day, but the way I see it, progress is progress.  If I tried to keep up with her intensity, I would quit out of sheer exhaustion.  I know now that I can accomplish this, that it’s not as hard as it looks (and it looks really hard).  So as long as I keep moving forward every single day,  I know I will get it done.

From my home to yours,
Andrea

Second day with the professional organizer.  We did a clean sweep of the boys’ bedroom.  All but the very best loved (read: most used) toys were tossed.  We tossed all but 10 complete outfits for each boy.  We washed and folded what we chose to keep, making sure to fold the bottoms around the tops so that the boys don’t even have to think about matching their clothes.

The closet was overhauled.  The toy box was moved from the living room into their closet.  We cleaned off the train table in the living room and she told me that it was to stay clear at all times and that the only place that the kids could play with legos or cars was on that table.  When they’re finished, they have to put them back in their boxes and put the boxes back in their “homes” in the closet.

I purged their book collection (not curriculum, just fun books), then put the keepers on the shelf in their room.  We bought some bookends and are now using them appropriately.

We made their beds up and they are allowed one extra set of bedding and no more.

Paring down the laundry and the toys took up most of the day.  She also had to leave a bit earlier.  But I do believe that I’ve learned a lot more about what questions to ask when deciding whether to keep something or toss it… and that I should always err on the side of tossing it.  Very few things are irreplaceable.

Thanks for following my progress.  I promise to post more as I complete the rest of my apartment by myself.  It’s going to be an adventure!  But it’s one that’s been long overdue.  During my crash course with the pro, I think I’ve learned ways to work *with* my anxiety/OCD rather than struggling against it, and that’s what I really wanted.

From my home to yours,
Andrea

The professional organizer I hired came today and WOW!  That woman holds no punches!  She gets right in there and confronts the clutter head on and, while she acknowledges emotions that are involved in the process, she will not let them get in the way of GETTING THE STUFF OUT!

We worked in the kitchen and the boys’ room today.  Those two rooms took all day because of the sheer amount of STUFF that had accumulated in them over 5 years.  That, and the boys’ room looked like a disaster area. 

Things I learned today:

1)  If you don’t use it or love it, throw it out!
2)  If you have another one, throw it out!
3)  If you use it once a year or less, throw it out!  (This was especially helpful for things like lasagna and roasting pans.. she pointed out that if I get a wild hair and decide to make lasagna, I can always go buy a disposable one).
4)  Stations of a kitchen:  baking, cooking, corded appliances, silverware, dishes.  Like goes with like.
5)  Everything must have it’s own home where nothing else may go.  For example, in the cabinet where the plates are, the dinner plates are on their own shelf alone, the salad plates are on their own shelf alone, the bowls are on their own shelf alone.  If there aren’t enough shelves, you have too much stuff for your space.
6)  NOTHING on the countertops (I was allowed to keep my pocket dragons out, but only because they are meant to be seen and enjoyed).  This includes small corded appliances!  No toaster, no George Foreman grill, nothing!  Everything must have it’s own designated place under the counter, even if you use it every single day.
7)  Drawers can be removed, dumped, cleaned, and replaced (and it’s not hard)!
8)  It is not difficult to remove the screen from the range hood, nor is it difficult to change the lightbulb.
9)  It is OKAY to put the screen from the range hood and the burners from stove in the same hot soapy water where your dishes are!  The “cleaning police” will not arrest you.
10)  It is OKAY to use Formula 409 to clean almost anything in your kitchen, laundry room, house.  You do NOT have to buy a separate cleaner for everything in your house.  Who is going to know that you didn’t use the “right” stuff, as long as it’s clean?
11)  Containerize EVERYTHING.  Use drawer inserts and keep like with like (sharp knives in one, non-stick utensils in one, measuring cups/spoons in one.  Buy more than you think you’ll need, organize everything, then return the ones you didn’t need.
12)  Nothing on the floor… brooms/mops/swiffers need to be hung on the wall.  They actually make special holders for this!
13)  Use removable 3M hooks on the inside of cabinet doors to hang things on if you can’t use nails.
14)  Things that must be done before sleep:  wipe down countertops, wash dishes (dry and put away), sweep the floor, take out the trash.  You’ll know it’s clean when there is nothing left on the counter, not even the dish rack.
15)  Kids only need the toys they play with most often.  It’s okay to throw things away.
16)  Kids only need enough clothes for 1 outfit a day plus 1-2 spare.  That’s it.
17)  Children will not learn to clean unless you’re modeling it for them.  Children learn to do what they see.
18)  Once everything has it’s own home, you can’t bring anything in without throwing something else out, because there’s no room (you can’t make room, you’ve purposely left empty space around things so that their homes are easily identified). 
19)  Decluttering is an emotional and physically draining process.  I could not have done this alone.  The sheer volume of STUFF that left this home (and we’re not done yet) was prohibitive to me doing it alone.  Even the organizer had to enlist the help of a man she knew who had a truck, just to haul the bags to the dumpster.  If you have a LOT of clutter, you really NEED to find help.  The help of a professional would be ideal!  They’re objective and they have experience in dealing with clutter like yours.  You have to convince them that an item’s worth keeping (and that’s not always easy)!  A friend or family member may easily be swayed by your emotion-based arguments, but not so a pro!
20)  There is no shame in cleaning out the clutter.  The shame would be hiding it and pretending it wasn’t there, and avoiding the wonderful things in life because of it.  At one point, one of the maintenance men that works for the landlord stopped outside and spoke with the man who was helping haul things away.  I felt panicked that soon the landlord would show up.  The professional organizer calmed me down and explained to me that, while the landlord might be disappointed that I had so much stuff in my apartment, ultimately I was paying to live there and if the landlord thought anything at all about me hauling all the stuff out of the apartment, it would probably be relief that I was taking care of the problem!

So, in conclusion, I still have a lot of work to do.  I have homework tonight (washing/drying/folding/putting away the boys’ laundry, mopping the kitchen floor, cleaning the baseboards, wiping down the fronts of the appliances, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, and cleaning the windowsill in Sebastian’s room), then tomorrow is day 2.  I have a feeling tomorrow is going to focus mainly on the living room and my bedroom.  YIKES!  But it will be okay.  Already I’m feeling empowered.  I have new standards that aren’t my overreaching, impossible to maintain standards that cause avoidance and fear.  They’re simple, clear, moderate standards that someone else has given me so that I know exactly when things are “good enough.”  That, coupled with the medication I’ll likely receive when I visit the doctor on the 16th, ought to help curb a lot of my cleaning anxiety.

From my home to yours,
Andrea

Today we received a letter from our sponsored child, Alicia, in Honduras.  Actually, it was from her teacher.  Here is what she said:

Included was the Valentine’s Day card, a drawing done by Alicia, and a picture of her and two of her classmates holding their bookbags.  If I get a chance, I’ll scan it and put it in my photoblog. 

I can’t say enough about Compassion International.  If you have the means, please consider sponsoring a child through this organization.  They’re rated 4 stars out of 4 by CharityNavigator.org.  I’ve added a widget to the right showing a child in need of a sponsor.  Your $32 a month could make a huge difference in the life of a child living in poverty.

Please pray for my sponsored child, Alicia, in Honduras as well as the child you see on the widget to the right.  Then prayerfully consider sponsoring a child of your own.

From my home to yours,
Andrea

Thank you to Shirley who visited my Xanga which led me to hers.  She has the audio to this playing on her site and I was moved to tears by it.  I *really* needed to hear this today.

This week has been quite difficult.  I’ve had to come to terms with some issues in my life.  I’ve been having problems with anxiety for… well… for as long as I can remember.  I’m afraid of people, public places, making mistakes, being judged, etc.  Normally I’ve been able to cope with these irrational fears by finding ways to avoid the things that make me afraid.  Unfortunately, I’ve reached a point where it is so bad that I rarely leave my house and am having a very difficult time functioning in my day to day tasks.  Things that should only take minutes take me much much longer because I have such a difficult time making decisions for fear that I’ll do the wrong thing, do it in the wrong order, or just plain do it wrong.  Despite recognizing the problem and working diligently for about a month now to try to get it under control, the fears are still there.  No matter how much I tell myself that the thoughts aren’t real, the pit-of-the-stomach-sickening-heart-racing-let-me-out-of-here feelings are still there.

Sunday, I broke down and admitted to my mom that I was having a problem and needed help.  She agreed to keep my boys so I could see a doctor.  I’ve made an appointment for May 16.  I also contacted a professional organizer who will be coming in May 5 and 6 to help me sort through the piles and piles of stuff that I’ve accumulated in my tiny apartment.  Mom is taking off work those two days so that I can spend all day with the pro and hopefully make a huge dent in this mess!

I took the boys to the pediatrician Wednesday.  It was very difficult to do.  Going on post triggers my anxiety and so I avoid it at all costs.  However, the kids hadn’t been seen in about 2 years, so they really needed to go.  The doctor said they were both healthy and they had their vaccines updated.

I’ve been working yesterday and today on cleaning up what I can around here.  I would like to get things somewhat under control before Monday, so that when the organizer is here we can focus on long-term solutions instead of just working on the immediate problem.  I really need help finding ways to do what needs to be done in a way that causes me the least anxiety.

When I’m not cleaning, I’m working on plans for next school year.  I’ve made so many changes it’s not even funny!  I’m still planning to use a curriculum blend that includes Sonlight, Veritas Press, Old Fashioned Education , Tapestry of Grace, and others.  I decided that no single curriculum seemed to have exactly what I want, so I’m designing my own, using the elements that I like from each program.  Sometime I’ll share exactly how this is working out for me.  Thank goodness for Homeschool Tracker Plus!

From my home to yours,
Andrea