August 1, 2007
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“Overcoming the Mess” Photo Project #1: Kitchen (Cont’d)
No, I haven’t given up!! I just had a bit of a rough evening yesterday and didn’t get around to working on my project because of that.
I took the boys out to dinner last night at the Macaroni Grill. The food was delicious and the boys were very well behaved. Our waiter was excellent! So, with all of that goodness going on, I didn’t have the heart to turn Sebastian down when he asked to stop in at Barnes & Noble (right next door).
Everything was going pretty well. Xander was playing at the train table. Sebastian had made insta-friends with a 7 year old boy looking at pirate books and was keeping himself entertained. I sat in a chair and watched Xander play. After about 30 minutes, I decided it was time for us to go home and I picked up Xander who immediately screamed!
I carried him kicking and screaming out of the children’s section and then got him distracted by a Judy clock that was on display. I called for Sebastian who was so obedient and came immediately. I explained to him that we had to go and he was very compliant. I then picked up Xander again and again he started kicking and screaming. Now here’s a little thing about our Barnes & Noble. There are no carts. There are shelves everywhere! The place is LITERALLY designed to keep you IN the store! I was doing my best at this point to get Xander to the checkout so I could buy the book that Sebastian had picked, but I was having a very hard time keeping a grip on Xander. As I turned a corner, Xander slipped down to the ground on his feet and tried to bolt back toward the children’s section. I squatted down behind him and wrapped my arms around him trying to get him to calm down. When I did, he pushed back against me and I fell and landed on my rump! Sebastian came running asking if I was okay and I was starting to tear up because there was nothing I could do to calm Xander down.
I managed to get myself back up and pick Xander up again. Sebastian was so good to keep handing me things as I kept dropping the diaper bag and the book I had in my hand. We made it to the checkout, but by then I could feel the stares, if you know what I mean. Xander was still crying. I went up to the counter and put the books down. I had to get out my wallet, so I had to put Xander down. I begged Sebastian to stand next to me and help me pen Xander in, which he did. I got everything paid for as quickly as possible and then I led Xander out of the store. He finally stopped crying when we got to the car, and it seemed a completely different child climbed into his carseat and sat down. Amazing.
Well, when I got in that car and started it up to get the air conditioning going… I lost it. I just started bawling. I must have sat there and cried for a good 5 minutes straight. Sebastian was so upset and all I could tell him was that it wasn’t him. He got mad at Xander and I said it wasn’t Xander’s fault either.
I think that was the first time that I have felt completely helpless. There was nothing I could do for my baby. All he wanted was to go back and play with the trains.
So, when I got home, I wasn’t up to working in the kitchen. I just needed to decompress.
I did work some tonight though, and here are the results for your viewing pleasure:
Another Pocket Dragon: “Feed Me!”
~*~The Stove~*~
Clean & Shiny!!From my home to yours,
Andrea
Comments (4)
Don’t feel bad, you don’t have to explain why your youngest was that way….anyone would think a child that age wouldn’t want to leave a fun train set…plus they don’t know, unless you tell them or wear a t-shirt to advertise, that he has autism….remember my aunt has a 10 year old with it and that boy doesn’t talk so he can really throw some fits…but again you don’t gotta explain nuttin to no one, none their beeswax!
oh and I see you have a foreman grill. Quick questions…how do you clean yours? I usually just sponge clean it on the counter but I got so fed up with not being able to really get it clean that I took it to the sink and I thought I was only getting the grill part wet, not the underside….yet when I went to place it on the dishrack to dry, it appeared water came out of the area that says “warning: do not submerge in water”….I detest foreman grills for not having the removeable plates, really wanted a hamilton beach one or just a grill pan you place on the stovetop….the grill is right up there with the electric skillet, which is also a pain to clean, but at least it’s electric component is removeable.
So since I must have gotten it wet and it’s been drying over a week, I still am slightly afraid to plug it in and use it…any ideas?
Ohhh, you poor girl! I”m so sorry! Experiences like that are so difficult. My son was a train NUT for a few years of preschoolerhood, and I carried him out of stores several times (kicking and crying!). I think you are doing great–it’s tough to be a “single” Mom during deployment and make the adjustments, be totally responsible for 100% of childcare, homekeeping, etc. Hang in there! It is beautiful to see the love you have for your boys and how well you care for them. Your kitchen is looking fantastic too!!
Have a great day, Tea
Hugs.
There are things you can do, but…. It’s going to take a Iron will and maybe bubble baths, alcohol, and chocolate.
Is he in A.B.A therapy? If not does your insurance cover it? Ask. Because they deal with stuff like this. They help to train you in dealing with this.
Also is he young enough for those kiddy harnesses/leash things. If so attach him to one. If he cries, don’t comfort him let him be, just make sure he is on a leash. That way you can make sure he can’t run off. From what I understand he was doing one of those attn getting things, and if you let him have the attn he does it whenever he doesn’t want to do something.
Does anything I said make sense?
Also you may want to read up on stims. It sounds like he was stimming on the trains and then when you took him away it was abrubt and frustrated him. Speaking of which, I need to wrangle my kids now.
We have never used and have no intention of ever using A.B.A. therapy. I am not opposed to using a leash & harness in some instances (for safety), but I certainly wouldn’t use one just to go to the bookstore. A stroller or a cart would have been nice to have, but it was my fault for not thinking of that before we went in. As far as not giving my son attention, that may be your philosophy, but I would never fail to comfort my child when he’s in obvious distress. I know all about stimming and I know he was frustrated because he couldn’t play with the trains any longer, which is why I comforted him. Stimming meets a real need for autistics and serves a genuine purpose. If he didn’t need it, he wouldn’t do it. When I interrupt him, it causes him real distress. To ignore that distress would be cruel and disrespectful in my opinion. Sometimes we, as parents of autistic children, have to interrupt them for their safety, education, or (as in this case) simply because we have other things we have to get done. However, to ignore the pain that causes them is insensitive and disrespectful.